Gurupuja Phase II - Bliss...Belief and beyond

"Every Sishya has a Guru. But a Guru has no Sishya (Pupil). For the guru all of his students are on and the same. hence do not make the Guru a part of your universe. Understand that the Guru is Shaashwat (Permanent); he has been with you before , is with you and will be with you forever."
                                                                                                             -Sri Sri ...
Well the above quote exactly unfolded itself in a practical way in my life. I had got my invite for my Gurupuja Phase II during Feb 2010. A 3 day course and I went with a lot of stuff in my heart - A lot of questions about my father's loss and why gurudev did not do anything about it ? ;  a heavy heart with practically NO SADHANA for the last 5 months......

Gurupuja Phase II Started  - 4.2.2010 and I saw that by the time i reached VM for any session, it was already full and we had no space but the last row....This happened again and again.....The first day I managed to squeeze in the first row but could not continue for long....and then resigned to my fate I went and sat on the last row from the next session onwards. Pretty contradictory to the fact that during my phase I , I was one of those guys who were right there in front under Bhanuma's nose for all the 7 days ; she recognised me and all that but this time, i could not even see her proerly ,and only could hear her. Still I went about through with all the sessions giving my 10%, i would be there first for the sadhana and impose all those yogasanas and padmasadhana on me with a lot more ferocity, after all i wanted to come out of this state of heaviness and helplessness and was doing my best to come out of it...,.But it would not go.. Throughout the sessions and through the Gurupuja i would be awesome and once i came out... back to square one....

Day two - 5.2.2010 - Day 2 Started again with yoga, seva and in our first session, Bhanu amma said - Guruji is coming to meet us all... I said wow! in phase I he spent a full 2 hours with us and I felt this time he'll meet me, i will ask him whatever i want to and i will be fine.....He came, spoke to us, blessed a few new sahaj teachers and vanished. All in a space of 12 minutes.

I was feeling miserable...But the same time i realised, i was feeling .........light.....THe Gurupuja was working something on me. (In the first two days alone we did the gurupuja around 5 times.......

After satsang  I met an international teacher , Sandhya Rao (We call her Sandhya-MA) and the whole night we (Sandhya MA - Anupam (a YLTP Teacher from UP) , and 2 other kids spent talking and laughing right upto 2 AM) (For all those who do not know sandhya-ma, it is a blessing to be with her. In case you find that you are with her on the same course by chance, and you are feeling down stick around with her, you will see the healing power of grace.)

By the time I went to bed i realised i was feeling lighter.....

Day three - 6.2.2010 - Day starts with i waking up at 4 am... 2 hours of sleep.... splitting headache.... i run all the way to the VM.... i can feel the headache dissolving and an immense amount of strength in my body..... after the yoga... session to start and i am in the last row again, this time a much better anil..... but still with the feeling that HE has not met me in person..... Just behind me is the window . Outside is the parikrama of the VM and suddenly everyone rushes to the windows saying HE is coming... I  get up, walk slowly towards the window.....feeling that anyways HE would not see me....i am the only one at that window ...and in front of my eyes is tha last quadrant of the parikrama with the steps on the right and sure enough there he comes... i keep looking at him as he crosses each window to the left of me.. and ...and the moment he comes in my panoram, he looks at me !!!!!!!!!........he is walking on the last urve....but his eyes are riveted to me........at the steps, for a split second he stops (Still looking at me....closes his eyes partially as if giving a message - Yeah ... you have been through tough times dear ...i know that  - flashes a big smile at me and goes off.......and with that PANORAMA OF DIVINITY.....the last of that already depleting depression in  me just dissolved away and I felt whole......

Later in the public darshan, i met him and spoke to him, but thats another post on another sunday

~ Anil

P.S - I kept my vow of posting every Sunday. Bhagwatham Starts next saturday onwards. Ciao and God Bless !!!